STAR WARS: EPISODE III – REVENGE OF THE SITH
Stars Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman
Director George Lucas
Plot Former cute-kid-turned-tortured-adolescent Anakin Skywalker has a Really Bad Day and decides to take it out on everyone by turning into Darth Vader. And this is after he gets to get jiggy with Natalie Portman! There’s no pleasing some people.
Yes, But Will It Be Any Good? On the strength of the previous prequels, no, not really. But it might at least feel like Star Wars with the eventual presence of Lord Vader, even if Christensen is about fifty foot shorter than David Prowse. He’ll look like an ickle baby Vader. Still, there’s a Wookie army, which might at last banish all memory of those bloody Ewoks.
Stars George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Catherine Zeta-Jones
Director Steven Soderbergh
Plot Danny Ocean makes up the numbers by bringing in his wife to help him pull off three major heists, involving a European jaunt from Amsterdam to Rome and then Paris. But Andy Garcia’s casino owner from the first film is on their trail and out for revenge…
Yes, But Will It Be Any Good? It’s got no excuse not to be, really, has it? A gazillion exotic European locations, Zeta-Jones vamping it up as the investigator on the gang’s trail and Clooney pretty much out-cooling everyone else in the history of cinema, while Brad Pitt stuffs his face. As safe a box office bet as Hollywood can offer.
HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
Stars Martin Freeman, Mos Def, Sam Rockwell, Bill Nighy
Director Garth Jennings
Plot Douglas Adams’s epic SF comedy finally gets the big screen treatment after decades in Development Hell. Arthur Dent is rescued from the destruction of Earth by a friend who turns out to be an alien, and taken on an inadvertent quest to find the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything.
Yes, But Will It Be Any Good? It had better be or there’ll be riots in the streets. Perhaps surprisingly, there’s every indication that it will, in fact, kick a lot of arse. The casting seems pretty bang-on, the design sketches we’ve seen are simply fantastic and it’s written by Douglas Adams. So any naysayers can just knack off.
Stars Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman, Cillian Murphy
Director Christopher Nolan
Plot A long overdue reboot of the franchise, as Bats embarks on a career of crime-fighting carnage, taking on the Scarecrow in his debut case. Bruce Wayne in the teaser trailer “I went around the world… searching for something terrifying. Something that will not stop until it gets revenge.”
Audience: “It’s you, isn’t it?”
Bruce Wayne: “Me!”
Audience: “Thought so.”
Yes, But Will It Be Any Good? You bet your bat-ass. A top-flight director and cast, an actual script, and few of the production problems that plagued Burton, should see Schumacher’s travesties consigned to history. Plus the new Batmobile looks like a dune buggy on steroids. How cool is that?
by Ben Woodhams